Tuesday, September 29, 2009

How do you know it's time to say goodbye

We all have our own dream jobs. It might be something glamorous, one that involves travel, one that gives away certain perks that normal people don't receive, it may give someone power or prestige, or it may be something that is plain weird.

When I was about five years old, I wanted to be a singer. Why? Because I can sing. Period. When I was a little older, I wanted to be a teacher. Why? Because I liked watching my teachers erase the board. I thought that would be a cool job. When I was in grade six, I wanted to be a computer engineer. Why? It sounded good. When I was in second year high school, I was influenced by my Papa to be a lawyer. Come 4th yr, I wanted to be a doctor. But since I wasn't able to get in the quota course of Public Health, I chose my second choice which is Political Science. So, I was on my way to becoming a lawyer. In the middle of my college years, I dreamt of becoming a factory worker- one that entails no thinking - just pure counting of how many Storck candies one would put inside a bag, or packing biscuits in a box or plastic.

I was able to reach all those dreams, except the computer engineer dream, the doctor thing and the factory worker (until now, I'm trying my best to achieve that last one - either as owner of the factory or a business woman who repacks goodies in boxes or bags.)

I also dreamt of working for a particular government agency which I am now able to achieve. Am I happy? The first few months was hell. It was difficult adjusting and I still had no friends at works. The next few months, things improved and work became tolerable. I am not really complaining, it's just that, the work was unexpected (I repeat, the WORK, not the WORKLOAD). It did not give me the satisfaction that I crave for.

After all the promotions and the increase, I feel like quitting any day from now. Why? Because I am not happy.

Some say that in any office setting, there are relationships that develop (professional or otherwise) that may either allow one to grow or not. There is also that thing called "politics" in the office which actually drag the office down. And there are some officemates who make one really hate going to work everyday, for one reason or another. Not to forget is that concept of "professional differences".

For some, these are challenges that spice up a workplace. For me these are challenges all right, but they really make going to the office suck. I may be patient but I don't have that much patience to endure this. It makes me unhappy, and it makes me feel that I am not successful in what I do anymore.

Just an example. Whenever I hear my phone ringing any time of day or night (and mind you, my ringtone is my baby's laugh, my heart starts to palpitate and my heart starts to beat double time and my brain goes on a rewind of events (What have I missed doing this time? Did I do anything wrong?). Despite the medical coverage benefit that we have in the office, I might not be able to enjoy it because I would probably die of a heart attack any time soon.

The pay and the benefits are great, but it's getting not worth going to the office everyday anymore.

So how does one know when it's time to say goodbye to a certain work?

The easy answer is when one is not happy anymore. But how is happiness or the lack of it gauged? Is happiness based on the salary or benefits? More money means more food on the table, less worry on how to make both ends meet or more people that could be helped. Is it based on the self-worth that one feels when one enters the office? Is it the power that one wields because of the position that he or she occupies? Is it the consideration that the work has the potential to allow one to help others in the future, or propel one to stardom or god status?

For me, it all boils down to one thing- money and power can't buy happiness. So why stick with hell when you can settle for heaven, purgatory, or just plain Earth?

I'm going to start baking now so I can pack my cookies in nice, colored boxes for selling later.

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